Fear of Failure: Why I Nearly Never Made This Episode

Reflective Rebels Podcast Season 2 Episode 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT3BatvWoE8

I've been meaning to record solo episodes since before season one of the Reflective Rebels Podcast started. I planned them, I wanted to do them, and for the entire first season I found reasons not to. The official reason was time. The real reason, which I only admitted to myself on the drive to the hills one morning, was fear. Fear of getting it wrong, fear of looking like a plonker, fear of what people I respected might think. Fear of failure dressed up as a scheduling problem.

This is a ten-minute solo episode recorded at the top of Hype Hike in Cumbria, slightly out of breath, with a phone instead of a studio and dogs occasionally wandering through the shot. It is about that gap, the gap between the thing you want to do and the thing you actually do, and the three things I tell myself, and my clients, when we're standing in it.

What I talked about

What fear of failure actually looks like in real life

It rarely shows up wearing its own name. It shows up as busyness, as "not the right time," as a to-do list that always has something more urgent on it. I spent more time doom-scrolling social media than it would have taken to record this. The excuse was time. The truth was self-doubt. Getting curious about that gap is usually where things start to shift.

Why fear of judgement runs so much deeper than we admit

As human beings we are wired to want to belong. The part of us that worries what people think isn't shallow or vain. It's ancient and it's doing its job. But that same protective instinct becomes the thing that keeps us small, that stops us putting the idea out there or making the change or recording the episode. Recognising it for what it is, the ego managing the risk of rejection, gives you something to work with instead of something to be managed by.

The three things worth remembering when you're scared

Most people will never see it. The imagined audience watching you get it wrong is almost always bigger than the real one. This isn't discouraging, it's freeing. The people who will actively want to see you fail are not your people, and making things for them is a category error. And you are not supposed to be good at something the first time you try it. That's not a low bar, that's an honest one. Aiming for four out of ten and actually doing the thing beats holding out for a perfect ten that never arrives.

The invitation

I end the episode with a specific ask. Write down the thing you've been wanting to do and haven't. Ask yourself what you're actually scared of. Ask whether people really care as much as you think. Find an imperfect way to have a go. It's a short exercise but it's the kind of thing that, if you do it honestly, tends to produce answers you already knew and had been avoiding.

Quotable Moments

"The ego trying to protect us from feeling like an outsider is one of the biggest things that stops us from going out there and doing the things we want to do."

"F**k them. This is not for them. It's for the person who hears it and goes out and does something they've been wanting to do for ages."

"It would be totally arrogant, bizarre and bonkers to believe that on go one, I'd be any good at this whatsoever."

"Life is not in me getting to the summit of the hill. Life's in this moment right now in me having a bloody go."

About me

I'm Ben Hickman, a business coach, ILM Level 7 qualified, based in Carlisle, Cumbria. I run one-to-one coaching, team coaching, and the Badass Business Lab, a small group coaching programme for business owners who are done playing small.

Listen and Subscribe

Reflective Rebels is on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. Search 'Reflective Rebels' wherever you losten. If this episode landed for you, the best thing you can do is send it to one person you think needs to hear it.