Rewriting Her Story: From Anxiety to Belonging, the Library to the Lake
- Ben Hickman
- Jul 29
- 5 min read
Reflective Rebels Podcast: Season 1, Episode 1
A raw conversation about the moment anxiety hit during the 'good times,' and how challenging every story she'd told herself led to wild swimming, oil painting, and unexpected joy.
Sometimes the most profound transformations happen not during life's storms, but in moments of unexpected stillness. This week's conversation explores what happens when anxiety emerges during the "good times," and how one person's journey of questioning everything she thought she knew about herself led to discovering joy in the most unlikely places.
Key Takeaways
Anxiety can emerge during stability, not just chaos - Sometimes when life finally settles, we start feeling things we've been too busy to process
From "I hate the Lake District" to finding peace in wild swimming - Our strongest "never" statements often hide our greatest transformations
"I'm not creative" to oil painting success - Challenging lifelong assumptions can unlock parts of ourselves we never knew existed
Making people laugh can be armour we outgrow - Using humour to deflect and fit in might protect us but can also disconnect us from our authentic selves
Therapy isn't just for crisis moments - Investing in mental health maintenance when things are good can be life-changing
When Anxiety Hits During Stability
For years, Martha had lived what many would consider a chaotic life - moving frequently, changing jobs, navigating an unconventional upbringing within a religious community. She'd learnt to cope by making people laugh, using humour as both armour and bridge in a world where she often felt like an outsider.
But it was when life finally stabilised - when she found herself happily married, living in a lovely house in Cumbria with her husband Kieran and their pug Thor - that anxiety struck with devastating force.
"It was paralysing to be honest and it was so different to who I thought I was," she shares. "I didn't want to leave the house ever. And that was crazy to me because I'm a social person."
This experience challenges the common assumption that anxiety only emerges during difficult times. Sometimes, as Martha discovered, it's in the stillness that we finally start feeling things we've been too busy to process.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
What makes Martha's story particularly powerful is how it illustrates the stories we create about ourselves - and how these narratives can both protect and limit us.
Growing up feeling like an outsider due to her religious background, Martha had crafted a clear identity: the class clown who made everyone laugh, the person who "wasn't creative," who "hated the Lake District," who had "written off family" due to difficult experiences.
These stories served her well for years. Making people laugh kept her safe from bullying. Accepting that she "wasn't outdoorsy" meant she didn't have to engage with activities that felt foreign. Dismissing creativity protected her from potential failure.
But through therapy - which she pursued not during crisis, but as "maintenance" during a stable period - Martha began questioning these fundamental assumptions about herself.
From "I'm Not Creative" to Oil Painting Success
One of the most striking transformations came when Martha challenged her lifelong belief that she "wasn't creative."
"I've always said that about myself. I'm not creative. I've always thought of myself more academic, even though I'm not very good academically".
But when her friend chose an oil painting class for them to attend together, Martha found herself not just capable, but genuinely talented. "I absolutely loved it and I'm not gonna lie, the art piece slapped. I'm so proud of it."
This breakthrough illustrates something crucial about personal growth: sometimes our strongest "never" statements hide our greatest potential transformations.
From "I Hate the Lake District" to Wild Swimming
Perhaps even more dramatic was Martha's relationship with nature. Living in Cumbria but convinced she was "a city girl," she'd written off outdoor activities entirely.
"When I was younger, everybody would be up trying to do the Wainwrights and stuff... And so I just kind of thought, well, that's not me, I'm a city girl then. I'm not a country girl and I probably shouldn't be living here."
But discovering wild swimming changed everything. Now, she finds herself spending more time in lakes than most locals, discovering a peace she struggles to put into words.
"There's a peace that you cannot describe... being in the middle of a lake, just looking around and taking that in, it makes you realise that you're quite small... it reminds you of the big things in life."
The Role of Therapy in Transformation
Martha's story also highlights an important perspective on mental health support. Rather than seeking therapy during crisis, she invested in it during stability - viewing it as "maintenance" and "self-care."
"I thought, you know what, I'm gonna get therapy because I don't wanna go back to that place... it's an investment, but it's an investment for my life and my mental health."
This approach challenges the common narrative that therapy is only for people in crisis. Sometimes the most transformative work happens when we're ready to question our patterns, not when we're simply trying to survive them.
For those wondering whether they need a life coach or therapist, Martha's experience suggests that professional support can be valuable for growth and self-discovery, not just problem-solving. The key is finding the right fit for your specific moment and goals.
What Anxiety Actually Feels Like
Martha's honest description of her anxiety experience provides valuable insight for others who might be struggling:
"It felt paralysing... I didn't want to leave the house ever... It was the worst when I was alone in my house, which is crazy because that should be a safe space. And now it absolutely is, but it felt terrifying."
She describes becoming overwhelmed by stimulation that had never bothered her before - even her beloved dog's barking would reduce her to tears. Her husband would put noise-cancelling headphones on her and guide her through breathing exercises.
This raw honesty about what severe anxiety looks like helps normalise these experiences for others who might be facing similar struggles.
The Ongoing Journey
What's refreshing about Martha's story is her acknowledgement that transformation isn't a destination - it's an ongoing process.
"I think there's still lots of work. I'm not saying that it's over yet. But that's it, that's the joy of it. There's still loads of work to do... But I think I'm enjoying the journey of it now."
At 27, she's embracing the idea that she's "only young" and has "a lot to learn still." This perspective of curiosity rather than certainty opens up infinite possibilities for continued growth.
Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:47 Getting to know Martha
04:35 At school
07:11 Falling in love
10:39 Marriage: Choices and Reflections
16:49 Authenticity and Personal Growth
20:06 Navigating Life Changes and Mental Health
28:25 Understanding Anxiety: Personal Experiences
35:24 Finding Joy in Nature and Stillness
40:42 Embracing Creativity and New Experiences
45:27 Outro
Mentioned in This Episode:
Wild swimming in the Lake District
Oil painting classes
The power of therapy for mental health maintenance
Louis Theroux documentaries (perfect 7:30pm viewing!)
King Silver (fantasy book recommendation)
If This Resonates...
Are you ready to challenge the stories you've been telling yourself?
If you're standing at your own moment of questioning - whether it's about your career, your relationships, or simply who you think you are - you're not alone. Sometimes the biggest transformations start with the smallest question: "What if I'm wrong about this?"
Join our email community for reflections on living authentically, choosing your own enough, and stories that remind you your story isn't over yet.
And if this story resonates deeply - if you're ready to challenge your own stories and create real change - I'd love to explore how I can support your transformation.
Email ben@reflectiverebels.co.uk to book a conversation.
I'm Ben, and through The Reflective Rebels Podcast and my coaching work, I help people navigate their own "enough" moments - those times when you're ready to stop pretending everything's fine and start creating a life that actually feels good. Because your story isn't over yet.
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